It's nice. He's great. We have a lot of fun. But I want smootchies.

season two   >   phases

So, like, Oz. He’s a werewolf. Not that you know that yet, but you will. But it doesn’t’ matter, see, because he’s still the sweetest boy in the universe. And I just wanted you to know that.

Willow bitches to Buffy a lot that Oz won’t make a move. He hasn’t kissed her, he hasn’t groped her, nuthin’. Because he’s waiting until she’s ready. Which is sweet, but pointless, seeing as she’s gay. But since Willow doesn’t yet realize she’s gay, it’s totally a big deal to her. She doesn’t want to be the only girl on campus without a boyfriend. Except Buffy. But, really, Buffy dug her own grave, so do we have to go there? Apparently so.

I just don't trust Oz with her. I mean, he's a senior. He's attractive--okay, maybe not to me, but...and he's in a band! And we know what kind of element that attracts.

Buffy gives Willow some stellar advice about being the forward one in the relationship. Buffy also does not realize that Willow is gay at this moment. It was just a really confusing time for everybody involved. So there’s supposed to be lots of tension and misdirection in this episode so you don’t guess that the werewolf at the end is Oz, but It’s total malarkey. I mean, please. Larry? As the werewolf? Way too obvious, even for season 2 Buffy. So while all signs point to Larry, that means they don’t, capice? Of course you do.

Larry, by the way, is the epitome of male heteroness in this ep, which means he must be gay. And of course he is! As Xander so hilariously finds out through a simple misunderstanding! One minute you’re cross-examing a guy who was bitten by a dog a few days ago, the next you’re defending your sexuality to the newly out and proud gay guy. Which leads to future scenarios of hilarity. Because gayness?

It’s funny.

So what else happens? Um. Buffy, Willow, Oz and Larry all prove to be in the same gym class. Larry acts like a sexist pig, because he MUST be the wolf. Only not. A girl we meet for the first time ever in gym class, Teresa, is sexually harassed by Gay!Larry and pegged for death by Angelus. Poor, put upon Teresa. Angelus promises her a safe walk home because he knows Buffy, and she’s rewarded with vampirehood. She then rewards Buffy by trying to kill her and by giving her a message from Angel. [So, when exactly did Angelus relate this message to Teresa? Before he bit her? After, while she was sucking his blood? Joss just really does whatever the hell he wants with the whole siring thing, doesn't he? -SP] Which spooks emotionally fragile Buffy out. Thank god Xander was there to stake vamp!Teresa and save the day. Again. God bless that goob.

Anyway, the wolf is Oz. And stop acting shocked. You knew that. He was bit by his twoyear old cousin Jordy who was a wolf, and Oz’s aunt and uncle didn’t feel the need to tell him. One can only assume he got his laconicness from them. So Willow’s all frustrated because Oz isn’t making a move and Oz is confused because he wakes up naked in fields and Buffy’s pissed off because some chauvinist werewolf hunter has shown up on her turf and caught her in his net. Whatcha gonna do?

No, it's funny thinking about you two catching one. I mean, this guy
looks like he's auditioning to be a librarian, and you, well, you're a girl.

Well, if you’re Willow you show up at Oz’s house on the night of the full moon as he’s chaining himself up and demand to know why he hasn’t tried to frisk you with his tongue yet. You then get chased into the woods by a werewolf, running for your life towards the library. If you're Willow.

If you’re Buffy you just get bitter and go after the werewolf and lose battles and sigh about how you live with people dying on your conscience every day. And then you get yourself a tranquilizer gun.

Now, if you’re Oz, you get yourself some chains from your parents’ special chest and go to town. And then when the girl you want to be your girlfriend shows up, you turn into a wolf and chase her through the woods. And then you get shot by her. But only with a tranquilizer gun. If you look at it in the right light, you could really spin it into a kink-o-rama, yo.

Anyway, Willow still likes Oz. Clearly because she’s gay and she knows he’s a werewolf, therefore loving the impossible (a cursed lycanthrope) is completely safe. Oz, oblivious to the fact that Willow is gay and therefore only fucking with his fragile heart, is elated when Willow says she still wants to date his werewolf ass. On those nights when it’s not so wolfy, that is. And it’s all very wonderful, and cute and charming and completely destroyed by Joss when, years later, he claims that Willow has always been gay, she just didn’t realize it. But for a few shining seasons, that werewolf had someone who loved his cold-blooded, jelly donut self no matter what.

And those were good times. Yes indeed.

Buffy, you can't blame yourself for every death that happens in
Sunnydale. If it weren't for you, people would be lined up five deep, waiting to
get themselves buried. Willow would be Robbie the Robot's love slave. I
wouldn't even have a head.